my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
