Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
