you lied. pity sex is amazing.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
