Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Randomize
