There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
