I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
