Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
