arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Welp...herpes.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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