Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize