I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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