Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize