Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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