Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just come out here and I will go home with you...
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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