I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
Just cropdusted the office
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
