Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
