Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize