whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
