sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
