I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
