I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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