I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
