so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
