dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize