have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I FOUND THE LEGS
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
