Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
