I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Randomize
