flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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