His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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