i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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