Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Fuck me I smell like cheese
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
