I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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