Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
