Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize