No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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