i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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