cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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