I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
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