alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
