We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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