Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
