if you like me you must not know who I am
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
