grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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