We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
