I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
