your parents love me but you hate me
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Randomize
