I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize