he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
