U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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