The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
