I didn't shave. On purpose
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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