Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
