Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
