I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
