The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Randomize
