Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Randomize
