best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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