I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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