matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
