Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Can you repeat that, but with context?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
