I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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