so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
