I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
