Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
