remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
