Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
