I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
