I saw his package. It spoke to me.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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