Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
