so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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