Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
