I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
