Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Randomize
