just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
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