So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Randomize
