Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize