I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
