I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Randomize
