She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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