Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
