she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
