Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
