Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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