Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I need to stop coming to work sober
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
