We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
