I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
