burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
