I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize