"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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