She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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