You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
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