NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
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