god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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